2am storm…

I am stuck still in a state of awe, and loving it.  Though times are not the easiest, and sleep is more fleeting then a unicorn, I am still excited.  There are still the moments that I can feel the presence of butterflies just like that moment that my wife looked at me and said “We’re pregnant!”  Yes, 2:00 in the morning while cleaning the house so that my pregnant and tired wife who graciously put up with me and my agenda sleeps soundly above me in our loft whilst the time between now and my alarm going off grows shorter and shorter does not have to worry about it is not the BEST time that one would pick for that feeling…. But it is completely there.  Like a zest of life dancing on the end of your tongue the sweet spark taste familiar and unfamiliar at the exact same moment, as you breath in deep, filling your lungs with the fiery passion that lets you know… I AM STILL    HERE.  That invigorating moment is also the beguiling fear rising up from deep with-in.  That evil kraken that attacks the soul like a listing ship in a hurricane only to leave the crew afloat for the sharks.  Words like “discipline”, “diapers”, “faith”, “midnight feedings” and many, many, MANY more fly through the hallows of my mind, each ripping a tearing at me. But, as I stand looking at the storm heading my way, the rolling clouds and flashing lighting be damned, I can scream from the top of my lungs against the growing wind and say “Bring It!” for from that fear rises a strength so stout that it pierces through the clouds with a single, solitary, brilliant ray of sunlight that cascades around me… and that is all that I need to guide me, at this moment, at this time.  And I am left with a moment of peace amidst the crashing waves…. To feel the butterflies and hear the words “We’re pregnant!”.

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