A letter to my son, on his first birthday.

My darling son,

Jacob, my sweet little boy, yesterday you turned a year old. In the time that has passed you have grown so much. As have I. It is a strange thing, being a parent. As we scroll through the endless rants and raves on social media, one could arrive at the conclusion that being a dad is chaos. The long, sleepless nights. Endless bumps, scrapes, and falls each day. But, my dear Jacob, that is not how I feel, at all.

While many prostrate themselves as their sails deflate when a child is born. I stand resilient in the tempest winds, and unfurl my headsail. You have been born into a family of strength. We work hard, so we can play harder. Being tough is part of our nature. Because of it, we grow, together, in all that we do. We regale in each other’s successes (even the small ones), and we shoulder the burden each time any of us fall. Individually we are great, but together we are amazing.

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When you joined our family, you came in screaming.

But, as a glimpse into your awesomeness, you cuddled, and looked around. You are a brilliant ray of sunshine. Piercing any darkness that may encroach, you radiate joy. Even when you have been sick, or teething, you bring peace with you. Somehow there was an imperceptible niche in our family, which you exposed and filled. You make our clockwork run smoother.

It is my hope to be the dad that you deserve and need, which may be lightyears beyond what I am capable of. But, between you and your siblings, I have all the reason that I need to stretch myself beyond my limits. The three of you are persistent wind that fills my sails, driving me to greatness. But this greatness is not for myself, it is for each of you.

Happy birthday darling. And thank you for choosing me to be your dad.

Live big, love bigger, and be kind, always.

Day 23: Something that you miss.

Having things that we miss seems to be embedded deep within human nature. Though I did mention in my Day 10 post, “The Opportunity that Got Away” that I am not one to holding on to things, this is different. It is also, sadly, apropos, for many of the things going on right now. I would say that one of the things that miss the most is childhood.

Not all childhood. But, as should be expected of me by all of you by now, a finely narrowed part. I miss the carefree way we used to be as children. I am not talking about how we, as adults, now have bills, jobs, and responsibilities. That is lame. Being an adult is awesome. What I am talking about, what I am missing, is how the world felt.

I miss the ways that things once were.

Being able to stay out until the streetlights came on. Running barefoot in the grass at a park. Walking or biking wherever I needed to go, because all that I wanted to do was within that distance. Collecting up a book, a snack, and sitting in the arms of a tree. Loosing myself into the world contained within the pages. Snatching up a baseball glove and instantly having a pickup game. Walking in the woods with my brothers, finding bones and snakes, but mostly adventure. Things were different. They were better. There was a purity in the time that encapsulated all of society.

God, I sound old.

However, every day when I come home from work, there is a moment. The same moment that I spoke about in my Day 4 post, “Your Favorite Time of Day”. As my ears fill with the screaming laughter of my children, and I succumb to the endless hugs and kisses, I miss those days a little less. I see, often, that I am doing what I can to make THESE days better for my children than those days were for me. I know that this means something more. That someday, there is a chance that my children will look back on these days, and miss them. But I doubt that they will miss these days as much as I will miss having these days with them.

Live big, love bigger, and be kind, always