#Sigh, getting caught up.

Blah, blah, blah, life is crazy. But in all honesty, we are rapidly approaching the due date for #4. For the last several weeks we have been rolling through the checklist of things before we become a family of six.

Such a daunting number.

Six.

Four kids teeming with life and wonder. Two adults living on coffee and love.

It is crazy to think that in what seems like yesterday we were excited to have one. Now, in a few short weeks, our fourth will be here. Our little home will be bursting at the seems, as will our hearts. This journey has been far quicker than the previous three. Continually fighting the hands on the clock to slow down, trying to capture the milestones. Meanwhile watching the other three grow and develop. It is both exhausting and invigorating.

But I am finally in a place to post some of the backlogged book reviews (yes, I am still reading a book a week for my 2018 Reading Challenge).  So, sorry in advance for the flurry of posts that you are about to see. Afterall, posting reviews for books 12-19 will be awesome. Perhaps I should stagger them a bit. We will see.

 

We hope to resume some level of reasonable posting in the days to come. Perhaps after our, MUCH NEEDED, short family vacation this weekend.

Live big, love bigger, and be kind, always.

Something is Stirring

Perhaps it is because I had to experience the awesomeness of #dad2summit through the lens of my cellphone instead of through my eyes.

Then again, there was so much to unpack from “Crash the Chatterbox” which I just finished reading for my 2018 reading challenge.

It could be stemming from preparing to add #4 to our brood in a few months.

Or that our oldest, and only daughter, is turning six years old even sooner than that.

But something is stirring. Something deep. Its rawness is sharp and its weight is heavy.

It all stems from this quote from Steven Furtick in the aforementioned book “Crash the Chatterbox”:

“Every second you spend wishing God would take away a struggle is a forfeited opportunity to overcome”

But, what is the struggle that I am talking about? Better, which one from the endless list of shortcomings or pain points does this have to do with? I could marinate on these two questions. Dear readers, you know me. I could launch into a winding torrent of a diatribe as I dabble with it all. But, this time. I am not. The answer is too clear for me to use that tactic this time.

Fatherhood

The way that I see it, I started down this road on a mission. I wanted to ask the questions, and find the answers about what makes a great dad. Then, all of a sudden, the picture perfect dream of fatherhood was upended. Shattered as I spent my daughters first few days in the NICU. Listening to monitors, researching Craniosynostosis, and getting involved in lengthy and weighted conversations about what my daughter’s future may look like. These things drown out the pictures and images that I had already formed. Hiding the voice that I had harbored for so long.

Somehow I missed something. I have been saying it all along and I never applied it. I let my daughter’s condition define me as a dad. NEVER, EVER have I let it define her. But it is who I am. I know more than most doctors and pediatricians about her condition, and the countless variants. I can speak for days about what the surgeries are like, what we have been through, and how amazing my daughter is. Time and time again I have said how thankful that I am to be found worthy of being called “daddy” to such an amazing little girl. But I let my focus of fatherhood be consumed by her condition.

It is becoming more and more clear that I need to enact a change. I feel like I know what the next few steps are. Nervous and excited I have already started working on them.

I have more to say on this, but I am actively putting things together to make it all make sense. Stay tuned over the coming days for something awesome.

Live big, love bigger, and be kind, always.

What does it mean to be a dad?

This subtle, deceiving
question is what I posed to myself when I started on this journey. In the last
two or three years it is quite possible that I have been presented with more
questions than answers to this one.  I
would like to take some time and try to enlighten you with my thoughts on the
matter.  I also would like to ask you
other dad’s out there to answer the same question.  You may be surprised with your answer, and
how it may be like or very much dislike others out there.  As I am always rather long-winded, and
attempt virtuous feats of prolific and heartfelt writing I am certain that this
will be a few posts long.  How long? I
guess time will tell.

The posts will be forthcoming;
it is ever so nice to finally have a queue of posts again.  So, keep an open mind, and your eyes peeled
for what may be some marvelously heartfelt writing, or perhaps utter malarkey, from
this dad… to you all.

I AM A CRANIO DAD, I am
scared out of my mind, and here comes yet another series presented by me… sigh.