Day 28: Somewhere you would like to live.

Here is the thing, the answer to this question is miles away from the plans that I have been working towards. Perhaps that is what makes it someplace that I would like to live, instead of where I am aiming to end up.

Whitefish Montana

Look at this beautiful place.

With crisp autumns, cold winters, and mild springs and summers, this is a dream. Nestled between Glacier National Park and Whitefish Lake State Park this place is miles away from ordinary. Being able to look up at the endless sky would make me feel small, and yet accomplished. I have loved the time that I have spent in Montana, and this picturesque town strikes a chord with me.

Great hunting, fishing, hiking, camping, boating, and land are only matched by the solitude that can be found. They say a picture is worth a 1,000 words, so I will leave you with quite a few.

Live big, love bigger and be kind, always.

 

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Day 19: Five ‘I Wish I Had’ Items

‘I Wish I Had’. Oh, this is going to be ‘fun’. Is that the operative word that one uses when creating a listicle of sorts? For the sake of brevity, it is the word that I will use, for now, to mask my disdain.

I Wish I Had More Time

This… was not a thing before I met my beloved. The desire for this was only made greater with the birth of each child. For the majority of my life, I lived for myself. I did what I could to move the needle towards the greater good, as I saw fit. However, I settled on the fact that when my time came, that was it. Granted, I still feel that way. But, now, I wish that time to be as far from this moment, and every amazing moment, as possible.

I Wish I Had More Understanding

Time on this planet is short, so we must make the most of it. We all know this. However, how do we make the most of it? There is the mantra that I close each blog post with. This quip is something that we are striving to teach our children, every day. But, one cannot live big without first understanding what it means to live small. Likewise, loving bigger requires to know and understand what small love looks and feels like. Just as being kind demands a deep understanding of the opposite. I wish that I had more understanding, things to show my children, so that they would not have to experience the brutal juxtaposition that exists in this world.

I Wish I Had the Ability to Do Nothing

Far too often I burn the candle at both ends, while it is in an oven.  The moments are very few and far between where I can just sit back, relax and do nothing. I have very dear friends, and family, that often speak to me of their worry with this matter. But, there is just something about me that want to do more. Most of my projects involve creating, and there is such a high level of catharsis in each and every one. Though I wish for the ability to do nothing, there is a large part of me that does not want it.

I Wish I Had the Unyielding Patience My Beloved Has

Of all the virtues, this one may be my slightest. I spend so much time looking at the big picture, constantly adjusting my 10 year plan. I constantly see the things that I must do to achieve the goals that I sent, and I move to make them happen (see the section above). But, I am learning. Between my beloved and my children, I am learning to wait. Unfortunately this is often taken up with working on other things while I wait (again, see above).  Regardless, I am learning.

I Wish I Had a Stronger Desire to Want More Than I Have

All for naught, I am ultimately happy with the things that I have, and those that I do not. It is my own consternation that must be dealt with. This does not mean that the above things are fanciful items. They are very, very real. But I just wish that I could want more, like so many others. Though it is never easy, I enjoy this journey, and all that I have been blessed with, and done without along the way.

Live big, love bigger, and be kind, always.

Oh hello tumblr

So, everyone in the house is asleep…  but me.  Just taking a minute to say that I am so very happy that we have made it to this point.  My darling daughter, Zoey just seems to keep growing and growing, showing us more and more of whom she is.  I am going to work with my beautiful bride on an update from the appointment that we had today.  My wife is doing an amazing job of taking care of our little girl.  Over the last four and a half months she has done so much.  I feel that I will never, truly, be able to show her how much I appreciate all that she does for our little girl, and for our home…. But that does not mean that I will not continue to try (did you expect any less).  We are getting ready to enter some VERY busy times in our household.  But, in the few moments that we seem to find among the chaos there is always laughter (Zoey’s laugh is killer), joy and love.  Well, I need to finish up a few things around the house and then try to get some sleep. 

I AM A DAD, I am scared out of my mind and I am still finding peace.

26 days remain

Wow, 26 days are all that are left between now and the proposed due date for our little girl.  There are times in our lives that God shows us some awesome things that help put things in perspective.  Just tonight I was outside with our Border Collie Salem and I looked down the street.  What I saw was something so amazing that I found myself transfixed for a good while just watching.  Tonight there was a huge storm that was rolling in.  Slow and massive the power that it contained was incredible.  For a moment, only a moment, I thought of how incredible it would be to see something like this surrounded by nothing but land.  Capturing that moment of our hopes and dreams I made the transition to all my discussions about this pending labor, and my pending fatherhood, being a storm.  Being able to see this in real time shook me in a real good way.  Finding myself at peace, I called Salem and took her inside.  Within minutes the storm hit.  The wind was howling, and the rain was falling in torrents.  The lighting was intense and creating split second shadows throughout our bedroom that had never existed.  It was exciting and relaxing all at the same time.  In due time, the storm had passed, a cool early spring breeze being all that remained.  The wind was blowing around the fantastic smell of the fresh fallen rain, filling my senses and lulling me to such a state of peace that I felt myself sinking into my bed.  As I drifted off to a peaceful sleep, it all became clear. 

My pending fatherhood is much like this storm.  It is massive, it is powerful, and it is real.  Whenever our little one decided to come grace us with her presence (and when she is damn good and ready) that storm will hit.  It will make other storms that I have weathered seem small and insignificant.  But two things hold true.  First, I will not give up my footing willingly.  I will hold my ground with all that I have, with every ounce of will and strength that God has provided me.  Second, when the storm passes, when the pelting rain stops falling, and the lighting ceases, what I will be left with is something so amazing and beautiful that I will have no choice but to slumber in peace.

I AM GOING TO BE A DAD, I am scared out of my mind, and I am finding myself less scared of the pending storm the more and more I look at the beauty of it, and the peace that will follow.